


Incomplete but Still Breathing

by lewdlordmiraak



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Fanfiction, Reader-Insert, Romance, angsty, reader insert fanfiction, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lewdlordmiraak/pseuds/lewdlordmiraak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Envy/Female!Reader) And, hopefully, the facade of being okay would eventually no longer be needed. Maybe...maybe he would get over this pain he felt inside his immortal body. Maybe he would move on, would let his soul travel away from the dark prison it was trapped inside. But deep down, he knew the answer to that question. It would never happen. No, not ever. He would always be... incomplete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incomplete but Still Breathing

What is it, in the screaming of the pouring rain, that drives men and monsters to madness?

The never-ending trickles of the dark water, falling as if a mass of people were choosing to shed their tears, on the same given day, caring not whether their misery inflicted the mortals of the earth in any matter.  
Rain was endless, eternal though lasting only for a day. It was always the same. No matter the time, place, or even world, the rain would always come...it was dependable.

And maybe that was why the man hated it so much. No matter where he went, no matter how far he traveled, no matter how many changes he saw- the rain remained. It was a cruel joke, in the mind of a madman, he knew it. And he hated it.  
The spitefull water would always come, in whispering droplets and screaming rushes, coming at him to torment. They laughed, swore, and threatened him, accusing him of the happenings of...that day...

They always came to torment him, to remind him of the day he lost...everything. Always. He would never be free of it.

The man's violet eyes glanced back up at the sky, glaring and then melting in the face of his enemy. Water of his own body rushed down his face in small, unrealized streams, but he was too out of it to even think to notice.  
He was alone, in his misery and madness, and he knew it. There was no reason to care. Nowhere to hide.

No matter what he did, the infernal rain tormented him. Even when deep underground, far away from the supposed drizzles, he could hear it, hear the lost whispers and voices. And even when it didn't rain, the sky would whisper to him...the very wind, and all of the elements.

They all reminded him, tortured him...  
The only solace he could find in this world was in the depths of his fractured, yet still 'functioning' mind.

Memories of a better, less tormented existance... and the presence of the very one that had drove him to this madness.

It was a strange set of memories, an alien euphoria that only caused to serve him more pain, in the end, but it was worth it. The memories of a better, happier time were his only comfort. He'd curl up somewhere, whether it be in a bed, an alleyway, or the top of a building, and unlock the memories he held deep in his heart.  
He would let the happiness flow over him, a temporary comfort as he nearly experienced the situation all over again. He remembered the beginning, what had all happened, how the happiness in his life had come to be. He remembered the middle, when the situation started to deteriorate and problems arose. He remembered the end, when he had lost her, in the cold and unforgiving rain, and lost his mind to the madness.

The sheer pain of remembering would bring him out of his trance, sharper than ever. That was the pay-off. A few moments of comfort, in exchange for hours of heightened hysteria. For some, they'd never bother with it. What was the point in remembering something that only brought you more pain in the end?  
Yes, in that aspect, the man was unique. That sharp pain, that bittersweet remembrance, was probably the only thing that stopped his mind from throwing itself into complete dementia. He was insane, yes, but not quite to that degree...

And he refused to forget her. He blatantly refused to forget the memories- both ecstacy and horror- that had brought him to this brink of emotional storming. That was the promise he had made, the promise he had, and would take, to his grave. If he ever died. And that wasn't very likely.

The man ran a hand through his pineneedle-colored tresses, wet and bogged down as if he had been drowned and dragged up to the surface of an ocean. But it had only been the rain... hours, of the rain, the neverending torture.  
He had chosen to face it today, to let his mind wander back to the happiness he had once known. This was the only time that the rain helped. For, as much as he despised the sky's watery cruelty, it had been the place where everything had begun. It wasn't just a symbol of the end.

He forced a nearly choked, hysteric laughter from his throat, thinking of the irony. What once held comfort and memories of a beginning now only served to hurt him further. Yes, the irony.

'I think I fit my role very well...' the thought echoed through his mind, and all traces of the spiteful humor were lost.  
Envy, of the infamous 'Seven Sins', was the one to go mad with grief. It all made sense, in a demented sort of way.

Of course, of all people, this would happen to HIM. He was Envy, after all. Yes, it made PERFECT sense.  
Envy could never be happy. No, not ever.  
The only happiness he could ever find was fleeting, at best. And it usually left him feeling destroyed afterwards. This was the most prime of examples the world could have to offer.

He should have known it wouldn't last. He should have, but that didn't change anything. The nagging whispers of 'You could have prevented this!' and 'It's all your fault! You knew this would happen!' was only making him hurdle deeper into his pit of despair.

"This is all my own fault, I guess..." his own voice, barely a murmur, did not penetrate the dull mantra of noise that the rain created. No one could hear him. He knew that. Liked it. At this moment, he could say anything in the world, without a care, because there was no one to listen.  
A stroke of lightning hit the weathervane he had been standing next to, causing a loud bang and startling him out of his trance. He staggered backwards, nearly falling off of the building he had been confidently standing on just a moment ago, managing to jump down and stagger onto the muddy ground below him. He swore.

Even his his state of mania, he should never let his guard down. He had been lucky it had only been a bolt of lightning. If that had been an officer of the military, or someone else that wanted him...he doubted that he would have survived.  
'But what's the point of surviving', he mused in his thoughts, 'when I am enthralled in such...madness...'

He took a look around him, for the first time realizing where he was. It was that town...Central, if he remembered correctly. He was in one of the smaller neighborhoods, nothing like the busy city center. He didn't sense anyone else around, they must have been inside because of all the rain.

Good. He did not want to be seen in such a state.

He straightened his posture, and brushed a strand of wet hair from his eyes. He realized, numbly, that his face was still warm, probably from shedding so many tears before.

Envy dismissed it, and began to walk, slowly trudging through the streets of the area. As he continued, he began to realize that there was more than a lack of people outside- there didn't seem to be anyone in any of the buildings he had passed, either. No one lived in them. These houses, they were abandoned.  
They were like empty shells, a barely remaining artifact of a distant time. Just like his memories.

The muscles in his jaw tightened, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He kept quickening his pace, wanting to get out of the area faster and faster. He remembered this place now; he knew it. Had slaughtered countless people in it. Had met his happiness in it.

With a shift in breath he went even faster, his body panicking and his mind nearly descending into hysteria. He had to get out of here...HAD to.  
The world around him was a blur as he jumped onto a random building and began to jump across the roofs of the city. He wasn't thinking any more, he couldn't. The pain was torturing him again, stabbing at him like a serrated surgical blade, like acidic needles.  
The memories where crashing down apon him, the whispers turning to screaming, the rain beginning to burn like liquid fire.

It was all he could do to keep from unleashing a scream of his own.

In his mind's eye, he saw her, all of her different forms, and then her true one, all smiling at him, her eyes burning into the very material of his soul. His heartache grew and grew until he thought his chest would burst. And, part of him wished it would.

For though he would not die, the pain would bring him to his senses. It always did. He glanced at the skin of his arms. They had once been proudly unmarred, a sign of his skill and prowess in battle, to have never been wounded. At least not to the extent that a mark would remain after he completely healed.  
But now, they were riddled with scars, jagged lines and criss-crosses that had served to take away the pain in the past. Momentarily, if not completely. He had opened and re-opened those wounds enough times that even with his healing abilities, they left their mark. His body had given up on him.

"Hey, mister! You alright?" The voice of what had to be a young child tore his attention away from his shattered psyche.  
His eyes shifted downwards towards the ground, confirming his assumption. A skinny, brunnette little boy was staring up at him, a mixture of curiosity and worry in his wide eyes. It was a look Envy had seen many a time, although on a different face.

Envy raised an eyebrow. What would some human brat care to hear of his miseries? There wasn't a chance that he could understand. No, never. And yet...he found himself wanting to respond, wanting to quell that curious look with an answer of some sort. It was a strange feeling, not one he could even begin to explain.

"...Yeah, I'm fine, kid," he said, forcing himself to crack a fake smile. The kid wasn't buying it. His small brows furrowed, and Envy could just feel his little mind ticking away inside his tiny skull.  
"But you're on the roof, you look sad...and you're all wet..." Two chocolate-brown orbs met his own violet, and in that instant, he regretted looking at the boy's face. There was something there, something within the child that reminded him of his love. A sparkle in the youngster's eyes that was similar to what he had seen on HER face...

Envy could only sigh. For some reason, this kid was really getting to him...  
"Ok. Not fine. Coping, maybe," he grumbled in response. The kid didn't take the hint, he was either too oblivious or he just didn't care that Envy wanted to be left alone.

"Coping? What's that mean?" The bright look in the child's eyes had only strengthened. It was an innocent thing, an innocent and pure curiosity, but that didn't matter in the slightest to Envy. He was upset, and he wanted nothing more that to burrow himself into a deep and dark cave of some sort, content to scream and let out his furious emotions without someone hearing him. "...Whatever. I've got to go, kid." Envy's tone had shifted to "slightly threatening". Not that the kid seemed to notice.

"Why don't you come to my mum's shop? It's warm there, and there isn't any rain inside. You can do that 'coping' thing there, I think..." the boy chirped, a hopeful smile spreading across his face. It was almost as if he WANTED Envy to kill him!

And yet the tell-tale tickles of deepening bloodlust that Envy was so used to were not present. In its place was an eery nothingness, but it was almost...warm. Like a shadow of affection. Like an invisible tendril was reaching out to him, prodding at his mind, something like his "brother" was able to do. That raised Envy's suspicions, and he glanced around him, for a fleeting moment wondering if Pride had suddenly changed hosts and decided to torment him. But, in looking around, he found nothing of the sort.  
It was unsettling. There had to be something...Off...he could feel it. Or could he?

A chill rushed down his spine as his attention momentarily shifted back to the torturous rain. And, in that instant, his mind was made up. He would go with the kid, just to get out of this...this storm. He'd be alone soon enough, and then he could deal with the demons that his mind was throwing at him. Yes, that was a good plan. Waiting until the mental assault was over to make a move.

"...Sure, kid. It's pretty wet out here, I guess..."  
The kid grinned, and laughed softly. "Great!" he exclaimed, motioning for Envy to follow with a movement of his arm.

Sighing again, Envy jumped down from the rooftop in a nimble movement, landed beside the child with minimal effort. He heard a gasp of wonder, and a slight feeling of pride spread through him, however small it may be.

"That was awesome, mister! How'd you do that without getting hurt?" it was evident that the child had never been in the presence of one of the state's Alchemists, or a chimera before. Otherwise such a mundane feat would not have served to even bat an eye at. In Envy's world, it was nothing impressive. It was dull, even.

"...I have strong bones. I've done stuff like this lots of times, kid," he replied, brushing the wet green hair from his eyes. "So...where's that shop your mother has?"

The boy motioned excitedly with his hand in the other direction, starting off without warning. A few splashes of water came up from the ground, making a familiar wet noise.  
"Very well," Envy murmured, matching the boy's speed with ease. He couldn't help but notice a twinge of pain continuing to spread throughout his chest, so reminescent of what he had felt so long ago...

He did his best to ignore it. The boy, whom he had let run slightly ahead, did not notice. Envy had hidden his feelings very well.  
By this time, the homunculi had much practice in it.

And, hopefully, the facade of being okay would eventually no longer be needed. Maybe...maybe he would get over this pain he felt inside his immortal body. Maybe he would move on, would let his soul travel away from the dark prison it was trapped inside.  
But deep down, he knew the answer to that question. It would never happen.  
No, not ever.

He would always be...incomplete.


End file.
